Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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