he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
