Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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