Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
