See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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