I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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