Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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