we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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