you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
