I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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