Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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