i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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