Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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