My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
