It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
