your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
