he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
