I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
