Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
