why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
