Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
