well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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