I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
