Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
