Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
