I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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