i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
