CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
