there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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