He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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