Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
