You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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