hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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