i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
