I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
