Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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