i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
