It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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