he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
