i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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