i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
