Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
