She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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