is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I deserve this hangover.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
