I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
