I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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