doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do vagina's smell?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
