drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
