i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
