Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
