i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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