dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
