I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
