Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
