I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
