You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
