i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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