I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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