wrigley field is MILF paradise
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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