I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
