Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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