You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize