it was like eating out sand paper
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
