Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
