You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
