So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
