ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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