saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
