I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
