Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
