woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
