i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
