i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
