Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
